Earlier this week I posted about Beau Brummel’s famous snub of the Prince Regent, a witty remark which ultimately resulted in Brummel’s downfall. In my research I came across some other zingers that had less tragic consequences. Although these comments may have stopped conversation, they didn’t ruin anyone’s life.
The following stories, some of which may be apocryphal, span the 18th century through the early 20th century. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!
Lord Sandwich and Samuel Foote
Samuel Foote was an 18th-century theater manager, writer and actor, and the story goes that he was sharing a meal with Lord Sandwich at London’s famous Beef Steak Club in Covent Garden. After the bottle had passed back and forth a few times, Sandwich said:
“Foote, I have often wondered what catastrophe would bring you to your end; but I think you must either die of the pox [syphilis] or the halter [hanged on the gallows].”
Without missing a beat, Foote replied: “My Lord, that will depend upon one of two contingencies – whether I embrace your Lordship’s mistress or your Lordship’s principles.”
Talleyrand and Madame de Stäel
Madame de Stäel was a noted French author and one of the most influential women of her time. Her life spanned both the French Revolution and the Regency era, as well as Napoleon’s rule in France.
Her lovers included several important men, including the witty Talleyrand (Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord), the French politician who represented France at the Congress of Vienna in 1814-1815.
In 1802 Madame de Stäel published her first novel, Delphine. In the book, de Stäel depicts her former lover, Talleyrand, as the character Madame Vernon, a sly and treacherous villain. Meanwhile, the title character Delphine, whom de Stäel modeled after herself, is written as a paragon of feminine beauty.
The book was a sensation, and no doubt an embarrassment to Talleyrand. But he had his revenge on de Stäel, a woman known for having a somewhat masculine cast to her facial features. In a letter to her, he wrote: “I hear that you’ve written a book in which both you and I are disguised as women.”
Oscar Wilde and Sarah Bernhardt
Oscar Wilde was an admirer of the great French actress Sarah Bernhardt. Once, after a supper, Wilde asked the actress: “Do you mind if I smoke?”
To which she replied, “Oscar, I don’t care if you burn.”
Mark Twain and Henry James
The famous American author offered this witty twist to a standard compliment in a comment he made about a book written by his literary contemporary, Henry James:
“Once you’ve put it down, you simply can’t pick it up!”
Winston Churchill and Lady Astor
Churchill was noted for being an astute politician, a heavy drinker, and a clever wit. But not everyone was charmed by him. According to legend, Lady Astor once said to him in exasperation: “If you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.”
His response? “If I were your husband, I’d drink it.”
Margot Asquith and Jean Harlow
Jean Harlow was an American actress and a sex symbol of 1930s Hollywood films. Margot Asquith, Countess of Oxford and Asquith, was a British socialite, author and the wife of H.H. Asquith, the Prime Minister of Britain from 1908-1916 during the turbulent early years of World War I.
Margot Asquith was a woman of strong opinions who possessed an acerbic wit and wasn’t afraid to use it.
According to a diary entry recorded by Liberal MP Robert Bernays, in 1934 there was an encounter between the two women. Upon meeting the formidable Mrs. Asquith, Jean was understandably nervous, and kept addressing her as “Lady Margott.”
The countess replied: “My dear, the ‘t’ in my name is silent, as in Harlow.”
Bernays was not an eyewitness to this exchange, so there’s a chance the conversation he recounts is apocryphal. I hope it is a fiction – even though it’s funny, it’s pretty mean. But then, wit often has a sharp bite. Just ask anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of a witty remark!
* * *
Sources for this post include:
Wit, The Best Things Ever Said, compiled and edited by John Train, Edward Burlingame Books, New York, NY 1991
All images courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
I love it! Nothing like a snappy comeback.